On the Road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...

Am I the only one that maps out a road trip according to places that I would like to eat at? I am heading out west soon for a gypsy family vacation. Loading up 8 people (4 of them being young ones) into an Excursion and heading to the Land of Enchantment.  Total distance one way: 812 miles.

It’s on these road trips that I am torn about what to do. On one hand, it’s hard to imagine not going back to some of the places I have been before and then on the other hand, there are so many more places out there that I have not tried. Decisions, decisions… I do know I want to go back to the home of the 72 ounce steak. It’s actually pretty dang good eats and not just a gimmick restaurant. Shoot, depending on how hungry I am I might try to conquer the 72 ounce myself, probably not though since my wife frowns upon that sort of thing and for the sake of my traveling companions.

I am almost elated with anticipation for this road trip though. It’s been far too long since I have been on any that have been eating worthy.

In case you ever find yourself on a road trip with me, there are a few rules.

1. No one can complain if I stop the car or yell for the driver to pull over so I can run out and grab myself a bite at some hole in the wall place I just noticed on the side of the road. This will most likely occur when I see a large BBQ smoker just sitting by itself billowing out clouds of flavor, anything that says deep fried pies, if a building has a “World’s Best Chili” sign on it, if you have a cool name like Mojo Burrito (which was excellent), or if you have no sign out front but there is a line of people waiting to get in.
2. You can make fun of me for how much I eat or what I eat but you can’t tell me that I shouldn’t eat something. So pickled pigs feet, my 5^th pulled pork sandwich in 45 minutes or those delicious slivers of deep fried bacon are all within striking distance of comments like, “geez, you sure about that one man?,” “I hope you have good health insurance,” “I’m full just watching you,” Gawd I’m about to get nauseous. Hurry up and finish that thing fast,” are all acceptable but comments like, “please don’t eat that,” “oh no you won’t,” “Are you stupid or something?” are not acceptable. Well… maybe that last one because I have had a habanero pizza on a bet before and that really had me questioning myself.
3. No stinky foods in the car. That’s a closed environment. If one or more people turn their head and starts mouth-breathing then that’s not an inside the car item. Only exception is beef jerky. That’s meat and meat’s meat.
4. If you are riding in the shotgun seat, your job is to keep the driver entertained and informed of the directions.  No reading or video watching is allowed. You are only allowed to sleep if the driver is fresh in the seat. (My wife breaks all of those rules but I can’t just kick her out of the car now can I?)
   
5. Bring a blanket. I like it stupid cold in the car. It keeps the brain fresh. Whatever the lowest temperature setting is in the car, that’s what it will be turned onto. If you don’t enjoy driving in Arctic climates, blanket it up or wear a sweater. You can always add layers but no one wants me to be driving shirtless and in my boxers.
6. Finally and maybe most importantly, on road trips, the only allowable breaks are for relief, food and landmarks. There won’t be any shopping or antiquing allowed because I don’t care about your spoon collection or outlet shopping addiction.

In the end, a road trip is what you make of it. You can just drive from point A to point B and have fun at your designation or if you are like me, make the time on the road into an adventure in enjoyment and use your designation as a resting and recovery period and maybe do a few sit-ups too because it’s not like many of us eat veggies on the road.